Horror Hotties for Halloween

Nothing says Halloween like a trawl through your favourite horror movies. We all know the genre is notorious for that excuse to perv off scantily clad ladies running as fast as their boobs can carry them to avoid being skewered by a psychopath or a demon. How’s that for Freudian? But in the interests of redressing the balance the Screaming Queenz are here to show you it ain’t all about the chicks – sometimes it’s about the dicks too.

tumblr_mcr9a1yXK21qca0yoo1_1280

Horror has given a queer audience the excuse to let off steam since its inception – whether you’re rooting for the underdog to overcome the odds, whether you’re identifying with the wicked lady who’s bucking the patriarchy and slaying her way through society’s pecking order with fangs or a blade, or if you just want to indulge your fetish for camp melodrama – horror has got your back. It’s also got its fair share of hot men in not many clothes so sit back, spread out and enjoy our run down of horror hotties!

nightmare-on-elm-street-2-gif-4.gif

JAMES BROLIN – Amityville Horror

The-Amityville-Horror-3

Okay so shirtless Ryan Reynolds set many a popcorn-munching chick’s heart a-flutter when he brandished the axe in the 2005 remake, but if you want a real man look no further than hairy wall of flesh James Brolin. Before he goes mad and tries to massacre his family – well, it can be excused, apart from the fabulous Margot Kidder they’re a tad annoying AND moving house is very stressful – James has a tendency to walk around in a pullover and tighty whities. Coupled with his big hair and beard he’s giving us 70s gay porn daddy realness and I, for one, am happy to take it!

amityville-newlywed-lust

JOHNNY DEPP – A Nightmare On Elm Street

giphy-2.gif

Before he shot to fame as Edward Scissorhands, donned an angora sweater as crossdressing trash genius Ed Wood, then descended into parody as Jack Sparrow, Johnny Depp was setting our loins alight as twink next door Glenn in the original Freddy Krueger outing. Whether he was stifling his hormones listening to his best friends have sex, or lounging about in sweat pants and a crop top whilst perving over Miss Nude America, Glenn was all wide-eyed innocence and pulsating teen horniness wrapped up in one tight bow. He was eventually eaten by his bed. I’m with the bed on this one.

tumblr_oya2dowGwK1tud1mko1_400-2

Honorable mention goes to Nick Corri as Rod Lane in the same film. My early years of lusting over men are dominated by the creak of his leather jacket and the sweat on his chest as he flees from daddy John Saxon. More of him later…

full

ANTHONY PERKINS – Psycho

show-photo

OK so he has a slightly unhealthy relationship with his mother, and watching women take a shower unleashes something a tad dangerous in him, but he does make an excellent cheese sandwich. Imbuing the demented Norman Bates with vulnerability and making him sympathetic was no mean feat, but surprisingly Anthony Perkins made him absolutely gorgeous at the same time. So he gets a little stabby now and then, we all go a little mad sometimes!

JPEG#3

ROBERT RUSLER – A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy’s Revenge

623119cdc671171672e9fbfe4f803e5f--freddys-revenge-elm-street

OK so Nightmare 2 is well-known as being one of the gayest horror movies ever made. But you can keep your leather-daddy coach and your camp screaming queen hero – gay boys needed look no further than Robert Rusler as Grady. The classic high school jock, he was not fond of shirts and opted for little shorts and a glistening six pack for the movie’s most crucial moments. There’s even a flash of jockstrap just to tip you over the edge. Look out for Rusler in not very many clothes in the classic Grace Jones flick VAMP too – which earns queer stripes for its Keith Haring body paint and… GRACE FUCKING JONES.

vamp-header

JOHN GAVIN – Psycho

Psycho_sam_loomis

OK we’ve been at the Bates Motel once before. But with clientele like this wouldn’t you come back? Divorced hardware store owner Sam Loomis oozes masculinity, especially when renting hotel rooms by the hour to get down and dirty with Marion Crane. When she promises to ‘lick the stamps’ on his alimony payments you know exactly what she means – and Loomis stood there shirtless is flesh for fantasy that leaves even Janet Leigh in a shadow. When Loomis goes head to head with Norman Bates towards the end of the film it’s a porno-preamble that’s too good to be true…

john_gavin

TREY SONGZ – Texas Chainsaw 3D

trey-texas-chainsaw-3d

Make no mistake about it I was not a fan of this movie, it had every cliché in the book badly rammed down our throats, but whenever Trey Songz was onscreen as Ryan the throat-ramming didn’t seem so bad. Say no more.

tumblr_mm3om1WeBP1qko28oo2_500.gif

JAY HERNANDEZ – Hostel

zzzzz3

Eli Roth is hot as fuck. But I maintain he should stay in front of the camera and never get behind it again. Whilst not a fan of his movies – and especially not a fan of Hostel – I do think it’s an interesting view for a queer audience. Boys in peril being one of my favourite subgenres, to see this group of boys who use homophobic language like it’s going out of fashion, subjected to hideous methods of torture is… interesting shall we say. Paxton, the cute-as-a-button asshole who manages to get to the end relatively unscathed, is played by the gorgeous Jay Hernandez. And even though he loses his head in the superior Part 2, he will forever have a place in my dungeon.

hostel-jay-hernandez-1280jpg-3189eb_1280w

DYLAN McDERMOTT – American Horror Story: Murder House

tumblr_lx3gccmTKe1r34xe1

Ryan Murphy’s inconsistent style-over-substance horror series has become a mainstay in pop culture horror TV entertainment. For better or worse, its thinly-stretched plotlines can be forgiven for two things. Fabulously camp leading ladies, and an endless stream of gorgeous manflesh on show. Like it or not, AHS is queering up horror all over TV and for that I’m grateful. Dylan McDermott’s turn as sexually frustrated daddy Ben Harmon kept us hooked from the moment we saw him jerking off whilst flexing those mounds of manbun in episode 1.

b8d74508348f2ccf0d2b4fab29ac7d0f

And while we’re at it, a honourable mention goes to the stunning Evan Peters who has treated us to his cute tush and tighty whities for most seasons of the show so far…

When-Kit-Lies-Bed-His-Underwear-You-Want-Send-Ryan-Murphy-Basket-Muffins.jpg

And…

evan-peters-lobster.gif

Oh and…

evan-peters

TRAVIS SCHIFFNER – Jeepers Creepers 2

MCDJECR EC034

“Izzy or Izznt he from Jeepers Creepers 2 was a crush before I realised I iz” is the direct quote from our resident filth-bucket Stephen. We’ll skip lightly over the fact that having throbbed through the homoerotic boys-on-a-schoolbus horror Jeepers Creepers 2 we realised the director was a convicted sex offender. There’s no denying the trashy Jeepers Creepers 2 had its place in many a queer heart purely for the male flesh on show. And it was there in abundance. Izzy Bohen was mocked by the rest of the football team who thought he might be a bit gay. We’ve all been there. Not locked on a bus with a sweaty football team who like to have pissing contests, more’s the pity.

TONY TODD – Candyman

Candyman

OK so I admit my choice here is a little off-the-wall. The baby-stealing, dog-beheading villain the Candyman isn’t the type of guy you’d take home to mother. But he does carry a certain romantic edge in his eyes – full of soul, tears and a longing for love and death. He also likes to eat bees. I know. I’m fighting a losing battle here but fuck y’all. I love me some Tony Todd. The minute he said ‘Be my victim’ I was hooked.

tenor

JOHN SAXON – Cannibal Apocalypse

saxon-1

Put genre staple John Saxon in a police uniform and I’m putty in your hands. Put him in a soldier’s rig-out and then strip him for some hairy topless action and I’m even happier. In Cannibal Apocalypse he’s a Vietnam vet grappling with cannibalism but the quintessential daddy of horror has spread his hairy charms all over exploitation and action movies, NOT to mention gialli, oh and he was a hot oil tycoon in Dynasty… OK I could ramble here for a long time about how much I love this man. And what a man. Never too proud to star in a terrible movie (Tunnels, anyone) he also happens to have appeared in two of the genre’s most influential films, on the right side of the law in Black Christmas AND Nightmare on Elm Street. Handsome, butch and a damn fine actor to boot.

600px-NightmareOnElmStreetColtPython

All of the Camp Counsellors – SLEEPAWAY CAMP

Er… where do we start? Crop-tops, thrush-inducing short shorts, skinny-dips and Angela’s hot gay dad! Sleepaway Camp gave us queer subversive horror with non-PC jaw-droppers from beginning to end. Essential viewing for more than one reason…

I could go on all day but quite frankly I’ve run out of Kleenex. Who’s your horror hottie of choice? Let us know in the comments, or tweet me at @jonnylarkin. Happy hunky Halloween!

JL

Advertisements

Beautiful Stranger

The Countess comes to Liverpool…

daughtersofdarkness4

We’ve been talking to Liverpool Pride about bringing queer horror to a scouse audience and they could not have been more excited. As a result, one of our favourite movies EVER is coming to Picturehouse at FACT for Halloween. Well, the day after to be precise. On Wednesday 1st November 2017 ‘Daughters of Darkness’ will be screened to an unsuspecting audience. This under-appreciated gem needs a new audience… and we’re hoping people crawl out of their crypts to enjoy it. But why?

Delphine-Seyrig-Daughters-of-Darkness-1971

“I’m just an outmoded character, nothing more. You know, the beautiful stranger, slightly sad, slightly mysterious, who haunts one place after another. Two weeks ago in Nice and Monte Carlo, two days ago in Bruges….”

The gays love a tragic heroine. Throw in the glamour of this beautiful shadow of a woman languishing in the heat of the South of France, sipping cocktails and longing to be eternally youthful and you’ve got camp dynamite. Only we don’t pick up The Countess in Nice or Monaco, but in a rainy, out of season, desolate hotel in Ostend. However we do get languishing, we do get cocktails (of the troubling green variety), and we do get a tragic figure… if not a heroine, then a timely echo of the youth-obsessed culture we’re more immersed in than ever…

Countess Elizabeth Báthory doesn’t fill her face with Botox to maintain a youthful glow – but the blood of virgins. By any means necessary. She swans across Europe, her cape billowing in the wind, shimmering in an impossibly glam outfit that she got from Marlene Dietrich, with her companion du jour at her side. Right now it’s Ilona, the glum-faced young beauty styled after Louise Brooks. The Countess isn’t particularly interested with finding a hunky young man to carry her hat boxes and tuck her in at night (or should that be at dawn?), but with nubile young women just desperate to be plucked from a life of patriarchal servitude and treated to a life of luxury, trailing on her aristrocatic fur coat-tails from one penthouse to the next. Only Ilona doesn’t look too happy about it. At one point she even moans “You call this living?” The Countess, obsessed with the surface beauty of eternal youth and bourgeouis excess, fails to acknowledge that she’s not saving enslaved women and liberating them – she’s just taking them out of the frying pan and plonking them mid-sizzle into her cool blue fire. She doesn’t particularly care whether they like it or not, they just have to match her purple ostrich feather ensembles and look good on her arm at the ambassador’s party.

CMj8QEVWgAAgiha

If Ilona hates the ‘life’ she’s been blood-sucked into then her luck might just be in. Because when we check in with the vamps we meet newlyweds Stefan and Valerie, fresh off an overnight train having had a whirlwind marriage, en route back to England where Valerie is to meet Stefan’s formidable mother. But all is not what it seems. Stefan is a sadistic misogynist who believes women should do his bidding, and Valerie is far from happy. Stefan is also keeping a pretty big secret about his Mother – one I won’t spoil here but let’s just say the film’s queer credentials don’t end at Sapphic vampirism…

So begins a ridiculously camp and stylish tale of the seduction of Valerie by Countess Elizabeth. Made in 1970 (released in 71), the film is loaded down with problematic attitudes to both women and homosexuality. But never let that get in the way of a good horror film. Especially one as beautiful as this. Delphine Seyrig – the best damn Marlene Dietrich you’re gonna get post-Marlene Dietrich – imbues her immortal lesbian vampire with both a coquettish brass nerve and a sad, longing vulnerability. In a film with more than its share of humdinger lines and hammy performances she’s shockingly plausible as a seductress, and engaging to the very end. Whether she’s spreading her sparkly cape to warm the chilled shoulders of her shivering charge and resembling a Weimar-era giant bat in the process, or recounting graphic tales of torture whilst sipping her crème de menthe in the hotel bar, you just cannot get enough of her. She carries the film, with the other players curled at her feet. Eagle-eyed viewers of a certain age may notice that posh-boy-wifebeater Stefan is played by John Karlen, who smartened up his act ten years later, got a job on a building site and married Mary Beth in the role of Harv in Cagney and Lacey. Or you might just be too distracted by his ever-so-short tomato robe and slippers. Not to mention the fact that he treats poor Valerie like absolute dirt.

But rest assured he gets his comeuppance. This being a 70s Eurotrash lesbian vampire movie, it’s not long before Valerie falls under the spell of the Countess. Ilona, for all her whingeing, isn’t going to be happy about that – and neither is Stefan. The blood flows in some of the most awkward and inexplicable death scenes you’ll ever witness. For softcore horror fans – don’t be put off by this. The blood is minimal. However there’s plenty of nudity, with an impromptu naked moon dance from Ilona that has to be seen to be believed.

You’ll come out scratching your head – what was the film saying? Was it demonizing misogyny, the aristocracy, or was it aligning homosexuality with deviance and decadence? Or was it subverting the genre with the marabou slipper suddenly on the other foot as the Countess toys with Stefan’s masculinity and casts him aside to swoop in on his new bride? Maybe you’ll still be under the spell of the Countess and you won’t care. Whatever happens, sit back and let this languid, beautiful movie wash over you.

Fans of Screaming Queenz will remember our podcast on the movie. But if you haven’t heard it then click away below. There are spoilers so beware…

Get your tickets for this screening here. We’ll be there, possibly in our purple ostrich feathers. Come and get your teeth into it and we’ll have a good old laugh in the bar after!

http://www.fact.co.uk/whats-on/current/halloween-at-fact-with-liverpool-pride-flis-mitchell.aspx

e1b050fa77498199809e3bf38d650947

Bottoms up…

JL